Before You Read: A Cosmic Invitation to Discernment
Detach from my story. That’s the invitation. If you’re here, there’s something for you—some frequency embedded in these words that is meant to awaken or affirm a part of your own path. Take what resonates. Leave what doesn’t. The universe doesn’t play games. If it placed this message in your hands, trust there’s gold in it for your soul.
Control. Just the word brings something up in the body.
For some, it brings a memory of being stifled—restricted, policed, dimmed.
For others, it might carry the sense of structure—safety, leadership, consistency.
And then, of course, there are those moments when it feels like both.
Or neither.
This reflection was sparked by a beautiful video I watched recently by Amanda from The Connected Conduit, titled “Revel in the beauty of your raw authenticity… give yourself permission to be imperfect.”
It got me thinking about the way control shows up in our lives—not just how it’s expressed, but how it’s interpreted. Because while we all have different stories, upbringings, and manifestations of control, we often forget that we each carry unique control “profiles”—and we wear them like second skin.
What feels stifling to one person might feel responsible to another.
What feels liberating to one person might feel chaotic to someone else.
What feels like micromanaging to one might feel like care to the person offering it.
It’s all perspective.
A Metaphor: Control Is Like Temperature
Think of control like temperature.
One person walks into a room and says, “It’s freezing in here!”
Another says, “Finally, some relief—it was way too hot outside.”
Same room. Same air. Two very different nervous systems. Two very different interpretations of comfort.
The same thing happens with control.
You might feel smothered by someone else’s structure, while they feel like they’re providing security.
You might feel wild and free doing something your friend sees as “out of control.”
You might resent a parent’s overprotectiveness while they truly believe they’re loving you in the best way they know how.
A Personal Story: My Salesman Boss
I once had a boss who was a high-energy, passionate salesman. He was relentless. Metrics mattered. Performance was everything. To us, the team, it felt like control—tight schedules, constant feedback, little breathing room. We often labeled him as too much.
But from the perspective of his managers, he was a star. Efficient. Strategic. Visionary. Doing exactly what was needed to run a successful business in a cutthroat environment.
Two completely different realities.
Same actions. Different angles.
That experience taught me something foundational: we don’t just experience what someone does—we experience it through the lens of our own history with power, safety, love, and trauma. What you call control, someone else might call commitment. What you call overstepping, they might see as stepping up.
Control Is a Mirror—Of What We Haven’t Healed
The places where we feel most triggered by control are often the places we still feel we’ve lost autonomy or weren’t seen for who we were. But that doesn’t mean we’re always right in our interpretation. It just means there’s more to examine. More to hold with nuance.
That’s where the concept of perspective becomes sacred.
I thought about this while reflecting on Joyner Lucas’ track “I’m Not Racist.”
Now, the song isn’t about control, but it is about the impossibility of understanding someone else’s reality unless you’re willing to really look from their seat. It shows how two people can see the exact same scenario and come away with completely different truths. Not because one is lying—but because the filter is different.
The context of the song isn’t the message here, it’s the reflection one artist made of two different perspectives of life to the same thing, he also is part of.
Control is no different.
Control in Different Departments of Life
Because we all carry different relationships to control, it manifests differently across the dimensions:
- In relationships, control can look like “checking in”—or surveillance.
- In business, it can look like “strategic leadership”—or micromanagement.
- In health, it might be seen as “discipline”—or obsessive restriction.
- In parenting, it could be interpreted as “loving boundaries”—or suffocating rules.
- In creativity, it may be the difference between “visionary detail” and “perfectionist paralysis.”
And the truth is? Sometimes it’s both. Sometimes we’re controlling because we’re scared. Sometimes we’re structured because we care. Sometimes we’re chaotic because we’re healing. And sometimes we’re misunderstood because someone else is projecting their experience of control onto us.
Final Reflection: What’s Underneath the Control?
Control is never really about control.
It’s about fear.
Or love.
Or past pain.
Or deep desire.
Or survival.
So the next time someone feels “controlling” or “too much,” ask yourself:
- What part of me is being activated right now?
- What might they be trying to protect?
- Could this be love in a language I don’t speak fluently?
And the next time you find yourself gripping too tightly, ask:
- What am I afraid will happen if I let go?
- Is this structure serving me—or suffocating me?
- Can I give myself permission to be imperfect, and still feel safe?
Because at the end of the day, all control wants is peace.
Let’s meet it with compassion instead of resistance.
Let’s question it, not just condemn it.
Let’s look again—through someone else’s eyes.
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