The longer I go, the more I see. How are people accepting this and calling it life?! I’m baffled and quite shocked. HoW?!

I’m seriously questioning my own existence now.. How do people do this, year on year?! It’s quite selfish to accept this as life, not leaving it. Pardon me Jesus for my blasphemy in thinking you were weak to leave this all behind. This is actually quite depressing. Now I understand why people need so many wooing just to go by, whether it’s the nice gift wrap, the polished scenes, the nice houses, the good looking person, the whatever people think beauty is these days..

Accepting this as it is would bring shame to my own name as Susan Ndinga Wright, how do others cope I can see, why do others cope I can see, what makes them think it’s normal and how it should be done I can see. Do I think people are sane, not a bit.

The question is, are we in a simulation run by a distorted psychotic and psychopathic mind or has consciousness reached its own limits? I dunno even which is worse at this point.

I can see myself behind the counter and all those who echo a life I left behind during their office break hours or post work team bonding, and oh boy… neither looks great. Nor good. Nor acceptable for longer than months.

Let this be my prayer, if this is life, I don’t want it. At this point I’d rather be immortal as energy outside a body, then to live in a body within this conditions of life, let my soul rise above it all and fly away with peter pan to neverland, cause my body deserves more than me hurting it, but at the same time, my body is bridging my mind in a world with people who cannot see beyond themselves, nor beyond tomorrow.

Call this laments or my eulogies, I don’t care, you came here for a reason, but this ain’t it. This ain’t what I know to have signed up for, so this can’t be it, but it keeps showing up as it. So do I believe it is it?! Cause I certainly won’t lose my sanity to deprived individuals who cannot see how creating better living, and not the cleaning the floor type of thing while the roof leaks, but the real roof work. I know too much to allow myself to follow the crowd, yet if the crowd leads it all, let them lead themselves to doomsday, cause I don’t want a part in it, nor care to witness it. Anyone else can experience this life, this existence for Consciousness, I don’t really need to be here for it. And I’m writing all of this down in the hopes my mind catches the drift. Either magnetise a win or magnetise yourself out of the win I hoped to experience for long in through this physical body I was blessed with.

Man, “we”, as if… let me say it right. People, have no self-love, if they can accept this as life. To go from moment to moment just to live by the passing of time, no yearning for better, other than good enough circumstances rooted in illusions.

The things we could do by coming together are soo many, yet we accept crumbs and call it living. Boy I cannot even comprehend what goes on in people’s minds.. I have to bring my consciousness into everything I do and wherever I go just to keep myself above the sickness of forgetting what life was always about, having to look at people moving around with entitlement to something that has no root in reality other than the facade of enacting what’s accepted by the many.

And in hospitality, just like in all the other industries and scenarios I’ve covered in this whole odyssey called ” Self Heed to Succeed “, you see the exact same thing over and over again. People who have grown so much entitlement they cannot see the people that enact the motion of ” serving ” them, constantly reinforcing what I wouldn’t want in existence, but if we were to close it down, everything I wouldn’t want at 4Honeth or SHS.

Instead of trying to woo people in, we hold people responsible to themselves and everything they bring. You come at our business for anything, cool, don’t think we’ll be slaving out for you, we’ll give you what you want without sacrificing what and who we choose to be, hold a high vibrational environment, not a high vibrational movement, meaning we won’t put on smiles for you to feel good about yourself, cause you deserve a real smile, not out of fear you won’t show up again, because we know what we bring to the table and aren’t willing to lower ourselves just to meet you. We won’t be acting, we will be embodying. Great difference.

We won’t teach sales, we will teach humanity. And sure there’ll be so many thinking, bro you won’t make any money like that.. well in the long run people will want authenticity more than anything else, so whether others get the early illusions of success, we know what attracts people, cause we know what attracts the soul and people will forever be channelers of the soul.

We won’t owe anything to anyone just because they’re paying customers, we won’t be that desperate. If 4Honeth and SHS come about, it’ll be out of endless or abundant resources, not scheming to have or gain resources. That way or the highway. Anything less than, would be an insult to the project itself and to anyone involved. Not worth it. We leave that to others. Which leaves at: ” Well, if SHS was to never exist, I won’t be working for others for life, cause they’re working towards death and that is something I cannot condone, I can practice it for short term, but not for long term, nor will I try and stay alive in something that doesn’t want life, but it’s a bypassing it illuding itself of fearing or rejecting death, whilst practicing death on a daily. Yet I don’t want to kill myself either, nor beg someone else to do so, and if it comes to it, let it be in my sleep… This is a conundrum. “

What do you dooo?! How can I hold accountable, thy which has not seen nor experienced life, to life?! How can I hold zombies accountable to life, if death is all they know?! Man, this is a hard Rubik’s Cube, not going to lie.. If I crack it happy days, like really! But if I don’t, let my ascension into the ether be my happy day. Amen.

There’s so much pressure on everything cause people don’t actually know how to be honest to themselves, nor self-regulate, nor be compassionate, nor understanding. They can only understand and extend conditional love to waht benefits them somehow, without realising a better life for all, benefits them more. Tell me that isn’t delusional!

Glamorising death and fakeness has never looked better than 2026. The conversations people have..with some sense to your mind, will actually have your ears drop off. I dunno how they can still listen to themselves and each other.. Call that thick skin, I call it thick mind. So thick they bounce off of each other like nothing. An endless match of tennis. There you go! Watching people live like this and accepting it is like watching an endless back n forth to a tennis round, where the ball never touches the net, never exits the pitch, never bounces twice, it just goes on an don and on and on and on and on, almost like my open air diary.

The difference is the ball hitting the racket is the same motion over and over and over again, here thoughts navigate the same theory to different, depths, lenghts and heights. Seemingly the same, but never the same.

I don’t know how they make it make sense. It sooo doesn’t make sense. NONE of it makes sense to a healthy mind. To a unconscious mind, it’s all normal. Business as usual. My god. Where have we gotten and how far can we actually get at this rate?! IF Armageddon is real let it be sooner than later, this whole thing needs a reset.

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Jesus didn’t die to save everyone from their sins, the nigga left because there were too many sins his name could accept around him. The nigga said ” Deuces ” he did not rid anyone of their sins, or trust we wouldn’t be here. The delusions of those who couldn’t live with the fact that someone like him chose to leave rather than fight to stay with them is the reason why they put it as ” he left to cleanse us all. ” What cleansing?! Do you see around you?! This is not his doing and to even have people think he would be okay with any of this is the biggest lie of all. Life dropped and F and said It’s a False LIE. Fuck this!

Is someone getting ready to make an investment, fearful about its possibility or trying to steal to copy what they can?!
Only my own doing is my doing, whatever anyone makes of it, is their. Let THAT be clear.

Society didn’t even lose it. It never had it in the first place and every chance it has gotten at indulging in someone that did, they never cared enough to… Valli a capire sti matti.

Instead of doing what most do ( longer hours with lower pay and just about enough people to have everyone drained of their existence ) , we’ll hire more people, shorter hours and higher pays.

My death would be a sign of mercy, I don’t want to be the one who builds resentment to the point it devours me, turning me into the monster I know can be, I just have to look at what hte worst of the worst have done, match that and surpass them, as I did in every other industry or segment of life. Same pattern, different coordinate. That is not me and my life won’t have that as pictureframe. No matter how much others want it to gratify themselves to the vision of me they defined me to be in their minds, to avoid admitting to my ” Gdoness”. Me dying takes away people’s power from catching me on the wrong side of the tracks. Me calling it quit, by nature, not nurture, remember that, keeps me entitled to my own chosen existence.

People would love to see me doing something out of character or bad, like the death list. If I had the power to it might have worked, but I don’t house death, so it didn’t find a match. Just like my mother, I might have wished her gone because of the strictness she had, yet she was warned not to travel because of her migranes or head-aches, call it whatever, and she didn’t listen. That was her choice. She could’ve stayed home with us, but she chose against herself. I won’t make that mistake, I’d rather go out on my terms, like euthanasia, rather than induced death out of lack of self- understanding. And sticking around would certainly kill my soul, which I’m not willing to trade off for crumbs called money.

Oh maybe me wishing upon death is the reason as to why I live and wake up every time I do. Fuck. Change of plans. I wish to live eternally in this body, as the only conditions for that to happen is the readjustment of life around me to accommodate for my existence. To tonight’s Lotto.