Do you ever wonder why people aren’t connecting with each other as they used to?
Well, let’s start with a rather common scenario:
It’s a typical Friday evening – nothing extraordinary. You’ve returned home from work, you’re having dinner, and you’re unwinding in front of a TV show on Netflix that you abandoned after episode 2, before getting snatched from the New Top 10 Release, to then move onto looking for events on DesignMyNight to invite your friends to unwind after a hectic week. Suddenly, a text message lights up your phone from one of your closest friends, filling you with excitement about a new club that has just opened in the city. The text reads:
“Tonight is the night! Bring your A-game. We’re going to that new place I mentioned yesterday!”
The thrill of the night out courses through your veins. There’s a tinge of anxiety about what to wear in the background, but the joy of meeting new people overtakes you instantly. You find yourself mentally rehearsing your own story, in case someone asks about you and your background and you end up forgetting, you never know, right?!
A couple of hours later, both you and your friend are ready, standing in line at the venue. You’re grooving to the faint sounds of music escaping through the entrance and dancing to the rhythmic beats beneath your feet. Finally, you’re inside. The music is pumping, and people are letting loose on the dance floor. There you go at the worst of times your anxiety about making a fool of yourself creeps in. You forget that you can dance, have a good time and connect with others without relying on liquid courage or drugs.
“First things first, let’s head to that charming bartender everyone’s queuing up for and kickstart the party!”
As the night progresses, you bump into different people, dance with some, exchange casual glances and Sashay Away some others. The loud music kills any chances of conversation, so you communicate with your body to the dj who happens to be playing all your favourite songs.
Okay, it’s time for a breath of fresh air and a break before the next act. You head to the outdoor smoking area and find the group of people you were dancing with a few minutes ago. The conversation starts with compliments on outfits, rejoicing the energy brought to the dance floor skills, and then delves into introductions – names, origins, or accents, regulars or newcomers to the location are distinguished. The conversation circles back to high-level topics like jobs and careers, with everyone highlighting their achievements. It then shifts to upcoming events and possible after-parties.
However, you soon notice a clear divide between the interviewers and the interviewees. Some individuals are overly self-conscious about being liked and self-centred enough to monopolise a conversation. We all do under the right conditions. They haven’t learned the art of engaging others in a two-way conversation reciprocating questioning, so most people throw in their own bits to keep up with the pace, till the conversation dominator moves on to something else, and the group follows suit.
The issue is that we all want to be heard, seen, understood, and explored. When only a few people dominate the conversation, we stop to realise that those who remain silent are simply waiting for someone to express interest in them, as they have a universe to share. They just want you to show effort, as they might have not been accustomed to being noticed, so why not be the odd one out that acknowledges their presence. Unfortunately, these individuals are often labelled as introverts, outcasts, or the friends of friends who silently observe the group.
Sadly, we miss out on the rich inner worlds of those who don’t readily share their stories. They treasure their time, voice, and narratives, and they prefer to share them with those genuinely interested in getting to know them. These individuals value the art of understanding another human being and recognize that real learning occurs when you’re not the only one speaking, as you’ll never truly know enough about somebody to know them well enough, to build a balanced relationship, to start a friendship, a great business relationship, nor to maintain any kind of healthy relationship you can think of.
We are, in essence, sabotaging our future connections, creating an initial imbalance that doesn’t do justice to the best in all of us. It’s crucial to realise that we’re not guests on a talk show but individuals sharing space with one another. Quick judgments based on first impressions may lead to misconceptions about the future dynamics, as in the behaviour seen might be mistaken as a trailer to what could be moving forward. And also not everyone has the patience left in them to offer second chances, nor everyone to give or receive them.
We play different parts to the story on different occasions with different and same people. With someone we might respect or thought to be superior than us, we might be the spaced out listener without speaking out, whether with acquaintance we might from times to times have more room to consciously or unconsciously monopolise conversations. So we don’t always create a favourable environment for balanced interractions,
Conclusion
To truly comprehend the bigger picture, we must learn both sides of the story and get to know each other’s stories.
One thing I genuinely believe would make a substantial difference in how we connect with one another is creating space for everyone without overshadowing one another. There’s no need to constantly compensate. Sometimes, silence is essential for thoughts to emerge and questions to ferment. Never view silence, rest, or breaks as the end; consider them fertile ground for new beginnings.
Thank you for joining me on this transformative odyssey. Until next time, may we continue to strive towards being better humans, one authentic connection at a time. Peace.
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