Watching Secretary, I felt something very clear move through me: the lack of devotion I have received from another human being.

Not attention. Not attraction. Not obsession dressed up as intimacy. Not someone wanting access to my body, my mind, my softness, my intensity, my fire, my world, or my future. Devotion.

There is a difference.

The events of their story are one thing, but what it mirrored back to me was something much wider. People are still trying to dominate to infinity without understanding the responsibility of domination. They want the upper hand without the upper standard. They want control without care. They want power without preparation. They want to create circumstances, play games, be petty, test people, punish people, provoke people, and then act shocked when the very pain they create bites them in the ass — not in the way they desired, not in the way they imagined, not as fantasy, not as pleasure, but as consequence.

Masochists who do not know how to be masochists.

That is what so many people are.

They create pain they cannot receive. They create tension they cannot hold. They create disharmony they cannot integrate. They submit for one moment to the wrong thing, in the wrong way, under the wrong frequency, with the wrong awareness, and then spend a lifetime living inside the disharmony that followed. One moment of disharmony in submission can become a lifetime of disharmony in self.

And I look at it and think: make it make sense.

Because real submission is not collapse. Real submission is not self-abandonment. Real submission is not giving your life away to incoherence because you were too scared to stand in truth. Real submission requires discernment. It requires knowing who, what, when, where, and why. It requires understanding the altar before kneeling at it. It requires understanding the person before handing over access to your nervous system, your softness, your wounds, your desire, your shame, your body, your continuity.

People submit every day to systems, relationships, friendships, jobs, families, projections, false morals, public images, and fear — but because no one calls it submission, they think they are free.

They are not free. They are just untrained.

That is why Secretary carries beauty. Not because the dynamic is perfect by society’s shallow standards, but because it reveals something most people do not want to admit: the sadist is often assumed to be the uncaring one, the harmful one, the cruel one, the dangerous one. But real sadists — real ones, not reckless people hiding violence behind aesthetic — understand the gift they have been given. They understand that pain is not a toy. They understand that giving pain is not the same as causing destruction. They understand that intensity requires stewardship.

Not everyone wants to admit they give pain.

Most people want to be seen as innocent in their ignorance. Harmless in their fearfulness. Gentle in appearance. Clean in public. Soft in branding. Safe in language.

And yet they are more disruptive in the long run.

Because where they hide behind facades, they create disharmony in consciousness — theirs first, and by consequence, Source’s. The humanity they encounter becomes victim to the dissonance they refuse to account for. And when a whole society behaves like this, when everyone wants the appearance of goodness without the discipline of responsibility, the ones who openly admit, “I can be the bad guy. I can be the sadist. I can be the mafioso you do not want to fuck with. I can carry the shadow consciously,” become easier for me to understand than the ones smiling while poisoning the room.

And yes, I understand that saying this will create the scenario where someone thinks they can perform darkness for me because they assume that is what I want to hear.

I do not need it.

Show me your character and I will know if it is real.

Ego or accountability.

That is the difference.

Accountability means accounting for self. If you can account for yourself, truly account for yourself, then you can begin to account for others, for systems, for consequences, for the energy you introduce into a room, for the pain you activate, for the patterns you repeat, for the desires you hide, for the lives you touch.

Without that, you are not dominant. You are not dangerous in the beautiful way. You are not a sadist. You are not a protector. You are not a leader.

You are just another person creating mess and calling it personality.

Real sadists take care of their subs.

They do not ruin their lives.

They do not destroy their continuity. They do not leave them bleeding emotionally, spiritually, financially, psychologically, or socially and then call that desire. They do not create dependency and abandon the person inside it. They do not awaken wounds they have no intention of holding. They do not punish without structure. They do not touch without reverence. They do not take without knowing what must be returned.

They offer cushions.

Velvet sheets.

Furred — preferably silked — handcuffs.

Silk everywhere.

And yes, am I describing my red room? Possibly. Very mostly.

But understand the principle.

Even the tools matter.

Minus the bats. If there are tools, they need to be of the utmost delicate wood — soft but still hard. Firm but not careless. Beautiful but functional. Capable of impact without becoming brutality. That is the point. That is the art. That is the line between consciousness and chaos.

Pre-care and aftercare matter.

That is the stage.

That is the altar.

That is the container.

The main course does not always have to come, but when it does, you will always come.

And yes, I am saying that without saying it, while very clearly saying it in PG words.

Because the point is not the act. The point is the architecture around the act. The preparation. The devotion. The listening. The attunement. The continuity. The care before the intensity and the care after the intensity. Anyone can create sensation. Anyone can create disruption. Anyone can trigger a nervous system. Anyone can cause pain.

But can you hold what you awaken?

Can you care for what you touch?

Can you protect the person you are powerful enough to affect?

That is the question.

A real sadist cares about continuity, and you cannot offer continuity without taking care of a continuity.

This is where people fail. They want the thrill of impact without the responsibility of aftermath. They want the aesthetic of power without the discipline of service. They want submission without building a world safe enough to submit into. They want obedience without demonstrating mastery. They want surrender without proving they can lead. They want access to softness without protecting the conditions that allow softness to remain alive.

That is why so many people are dangerous in boring ways.

Not because they are powerful.

Because they are unconscious.

If I ever become immortal — and let that be known as the scale of continuity I am speaking from — I want you at your best. I want the people around me at their best. I want those who come into my field to rise, sharpen, soften where needed, strengthen where needed, and learn the difference between power that consumes and power that cultivates.

I will take the lead where I am best fit.

And I will expect cooperation.

Worst case, I will expect retaliation — because that too reveals character.

But passive observation is not accepted.

That is a boundary of this entire piece.

Do not stand at the edge of my life, my work, my body of knowledge, my field, my future, my devotion, my intensity, and think passive witnessing is enough. It is not. If you are here, be here consciously. If you want to challenge me, challenge me with respect. If you want to desire me, desire me with care. If you want to come close, come close with pre-care and aftercare in mind. If you want access to my world, understand that my world is not built for careless hands.

I accept the challenge.

But come prepared.

Come with respect.

Come with continuity in mind.

Come understanding that pain is not the enemy. Unconscious pain is. Pain without care is. Pain without accountability is. Pain without integration is. Pain without devotion is.

Because pain, when held correctly, can become language.

Pain, when held consciously, can become intimacy.

Pain, when held with devotion, can become transformation.

But pain in the hands of the irresponsible becomes society.

And I am not here to submit to that.

…

yes I am one and this was not my coming out, that was long ago when there was no concept of time, at point of crestion, for the sake of creation. I learned to take care of my children, cause I learned from the greatest one, my own mother with me. Not sexually, gosh, in punishment when I really went off key, and in care when I needed. The best of both worlds.

I love humans, reason why I love and care for humams, notice the difference. To care is to nurture for longevity’s sake, to love it us to be intense with it. The two are not the same. Love never said it would be easy, nice, passive, submissive, dominat, romantic, avoidant… no tags to it. Our existence is love, the care and what we choose to nurtere, notice the word choice, is whst defines the type of love experienced.

…

Write about this: Oh my watching secretary I felt the lack of devotion in me frok another human being. The events of their story are one, but boyy people are still trying to dominate to infinity. Be petty and create baut circumstances that only bites them in the ass, not the way they desired. Masochists who don’t know how to be one. They don’t know how to take the pain they create and submit where the pain they receives is disruptive to theur whole lives. One moment on disharmony in submission for a lifetime of disharmony. I don’t understand people make it make sense. And the besutý descrived in this movie is how tha sadist is thought to be non caring, hurtful and harmful, when really they’re produces of desire, they understand the gift they were given with as not everyone wants to admjt giving pain. Most want to be seen as innocent in their ignorance and fearfullness. Harmless in appearance, more disruptive in tbe long run, cause where they hide behind facades, they create dishamrkony in consciiusness, theirs and by consequence Source’s, the humanity that they encounter are only victim to it, and when it is a society of it, thise who openly adkit to be the bad guy, the sadist, the mafioso you don’t want to fuck with, and all of that, yes I understand me saying it will create the scenario of someone wanting to say it because they think i want to hear it, i don’t need it, show me your character and I’ll know if it’s real or not. Ego or accountability. Accountabikity it is to account for self, if you can do that, you can account for everything and everyone.

Real sadists take care of their subs, they don’t ruin their lives. They offer cushions, velvet sheets, furred and preferably silked handcuffs, (am I descriving my red room, possibly, very mostly), put silk everywhere. Minus the bats, they need to be of the upmost delicate wood, soft but still hard.
You know, they value pre and after care, that’s our stage, the main course, doesn’t always have to come, but when it does you’ll always come. You know what I’m saying withiut saying it, but really saying it in pg words?!

A sadist cares about continuity and you cannot offer continuity without taking care of a continuity. So if I do get to be immortal, let that be known I want you at your best, but I will take the lead where I am best fit and expect your cooperation or worst case retaliation. Passive observation isn’t accepted and that is a boundary of this entire blog. Let this be known, I accept the challenfe, just come with respect and pre and after care in mind.