Let’s write a piece on what I choose to nurture with a partner/future co-parent:

relationships are treated as private arrangements when, in reality, they are also educational environments.
When two people form a household—especially when children are watching—they are demonstrating, consciously or unconsciously, what commitment means, what conflict means, what repair means, what departure means, and what love is supposed to survive. We are not just in a relationship for ourselves. We are in a relationship for everyone that we touch, and what comes from us is what will benefit everyone. And again, I only say this because of the examples that I’ve had in my life, and I’m so grateful. And to be fair, I was just thinking about it. I’ve seen my parents, like, disagree, but I’ve never seen them fight. They’ve never fought, like ever. Like they would disagree, 100%, but neither would ever raise their voice on the other. Ever. I’ve never seen that happening, nor have heard it happening. And the room wasn’t that far from mine, so I could have heard it if that was happening and they were trying to hide it. It has never happened under the light of my eyes, my ears, my existence. And they were together only two years before I came out. So, well, one year before I started, I was made aware to them. And that just says a lot. To me, that is just mutual respect. There’s no reason to raise a voice. There’s no reason to even get to the point where we’re looking for that drama, or we’re trying to get things right. We know exactly what we got in the relationship for. Complaining or arguing about something that we already know what the priority is makes no sense. Because again, we know exactly. Like, that’s my interpretation of them, but this is what I would want to nurture with my partner, because I wouldn’t want to be another divorce case, because that is not the story that I want to pass down to my kids. And that is not the story, because I used to see it in a way. I used to see it as, Oh well, but at least if they do divorce, then that means that… Because my parents weren’t, like, the PDA type. So to me, that meant that they weren’t happy. But in fact, I found out that they were probably the happiest between, out of all the… It doesn’t matter. But when I was a child, I used to feel, like self-conscious. I was like, are my parents only staying together because of me? Because, like, I see parents, like around me that are separating. Why are my parents sticking together? Is it just because of me? And I used to feel guilty about it. But they’ve never said that. I made it in my head, right? And at the same time, it allowed me to also now question the fact that they were together not just for me, but also for them. Because I then learnt different levels of their past and I understood that they made a conscious choice, and they were exactly what each other needed. One very fiery, and the other very watery. But they came together and they created perfect stable air. And it was just like this match made in heaven, literally. And I am so grateful that they found each other for each other, not just because I came out of it, but also because, of course, because I did, but mostly because they were what they needed to experience at that specific moment in time for their own lives. And in that, it also brought out different parts of them. Because they rubbed off on each other, and it allowed both to even the playing field, the merger, and create a bridge, create a relationship, both individually and together, where they became a spectrum more than two poles. And it was beautiful, because that is exactly what I want for myself. I don’t want to be secluded to a pole. I want to be a whole spectrum merging with another one, you know? Because that’s again, that’s reality, that’s nature, that’s consciousness, that’s everything that’s the universe, that’s source, that’s our nature. That is how it should be. So all of that to say, because, like, I wouldn’t necessarily talk to my kid and tell them, Oh, I want to be… We might talk about it certain times, but it wouldn’t necessarily be a conversation, because they would already get the experience, like, to experience it. This is more of a conversation that goes between the parents more than with the child directly in my eyes. Because if to the child, the child might feel responsible for reminding you of why you were together in the first place. Which again, it does build accountability, but at the same time, you want the child to focus on their own development, not on the development of their parents’ relationship, you know? They can contribute to it, and they do contribute to it, but at the same time it’s just not their responsibility. They have bigger responsibilities than that. It is the major responsibilities on the two that actually hold the front. And I’m just utterly grateful that I didn’t get to witness the divorce in my… Well, that’s the thing: divorce is something that only exists if two got married. I love that I got to see true love, because there was no need for a signature. There was no need for a wedding. There was no need for the depiction of what society tells us love is, you know? Like on Women’s Day, my dad would bring flowers for us. On Valentine’s, would you see flowers around the house? No? It was just like, yeah, Happy Valentine’s. Because the love was in the life that we had created for ourselves. It wasn’t in what society or when society tells us that we should celebrate our love. And I got to see the purest kind of it. It was beautiful. I never got to experience the love that society tells us. I got to experience the love that nature wants us to have. And that is the legacy that I want to take from my dynasty and bring forth into my own.