There was thus day two weeks ago I was volunteering and had to pick up two huge bin bags of food from Sainsbury. I was walking doen the market road in Dalston men and women all on the sides starting at me walking doen Wolverine style, nome helping. Everyone staring, everyone with their moiths open, so I would stop and show being human, show the flaw, show the struggle. By the end of the road only one guy still not helping, uet smiled from across the roads, stares at me carrying it, passes next to me and goes ” Wow, you’re strong “. And me laughing for so many more reasons than just that sentence I went “Thank you”.

I got to the bus stop, guess when someome offered help?! Not during the whole street down, but for picking them up right in front of the bus to get in the bus, to which I answered ” i carried them here from Kingsland, I might as well finish it off.”

And that whole ride back I was just thinking, it is so true how people woll only offer help when yoj don’t need them anymore, or when you’ve achieved doing exactly what you needed to do.

Just to paint the picture I’m going to leave the amounts of bread down here, now this isn’t aboit showing off how physicallly strong I am though I proudly am, yet it is about showing how no matter what if people see you xarrying a weight they might have struggled themselves with, but see you do succesfully, they won’t help you. I menas thsnks it’s free gym for me, but what if thst moment I wanted to see galantry? What if I wanred a nice chat and they could have benefitted from knowing at some point in herstory they helped Susan Ndinga Wright carry a couple of bags. Or what if, deep down I wanted it to go exaftly how it did, so thsr i could write about i. I wonder that a lot of times when things don’t go as planned, cause it gives me the educational art that many don’t. It’s like I get what I want in the now, or circumstanfes manifest what I wanted in slow motion. It’s exhilarating.

So yeah I am an organic exhibitionn, just like hermaphrodites used to show off in circuses or women with huge behinds. Yes some weren’t doing it by choice, and in fact this isn’t mg choice either, writing about it is my fall back, my plan B, to allow the energy to still pass through me and do what it was meant to do: teach a lesson. If it were by me, there would have been a oot of 4Honeths around by now, but that’s the thing I would have been accomplice to treaturous acts, like education-less art. So pick my paths, this one is more conscious, as I have challenged my own desires and believes more.

Plus some more bread on the side that I had already removed.