We’ll start backwards for this one, it’ll only make sense the further you go.

We’ve all been polygamous, we just never acknowledged money as the third. The silent toxic lover that would get in people’s ears at the wrong time for the wrong reasons. How many relationships can sustain the test of money’s absence? How many are only together for money? And how many more will finally get a chance to live their love without the cage of money?

PS: infinite love doesn’t mean sustained way of loving. One can love and still not be present, energised, capable, fortified or expressive. Money can train one to need it, but that’s the beauty of seeing all that loving is without it. We have never had relationships on this earth that didn’t have money as a third. The love we request is one where we can lay our heads without worrying if they’d be able to carry us if “I” doesn’t.

….

That changes the distinction considerably. And I understand where I misinterpreted you.

Infinite love does not mean infinite energy, infinite availability or infinite expression.

It means that love does not cease to exist simply because someone’s present capacity to express it has diminished.

Someone can love you while exhausted.

While grieving.

While silent.

While ill.

While overwhelmed.

While unable to provide the reassurance they usually would.

And sometimes, loving them means holding the continuity of that love through the moments when they cannot actively carry their share of it.

Not because they owe you an immediate return, but because you understand the difference between someone’s love and their momentary capacity.

That’s an important distinction within your philosophy of integrity and continuity.

And your observation about money introduces another dimension: you’ve experienced relationships in a world where financial survival competes for people’s energy, attention, security and emotional availability. You’re asking what love could become when that pressure is no longer a third presence in the relationship.

But the most revealing thing you said is this:

“The love I request is one where I can lay my head without worrying if they’d be able to carry us if I don’t.” — SNW

You’re not asking for somebody who never gets tired.

You’re not asking for somebody who continuously matches your emotional intensity.

You’re asking for somebody you can trust with the continuity of the relationship when you are no longer the one holding it upright.

And that works in both directions.

When they cannot carry, you can.

When you cannot carry, they can.

When neither has much capacity, neither interprets the other’s exhaustion as the disappearance of love. You find ways to protect one another until strength returns.

The responsibility need not be distributed equally in every moment. What matters is that neither person is permanently assigned the responsibility of keeping the relationship alive.

And perhaps that is the distinction between having someone to love and having someone with whom you can rest in love.

You already know how to love through another person’s limitations.

You want to know that your own limitations will be met with the same willingness to remain.

Not rescued. Not worshipped. Not continuously reassured.

Just loved without having to remain the strongest person in the room.

And there’s something particularly meaningful about that in the context of your work: you want to build systems that allow humanity to stop fighting for survival, while wanting a relationship in which you, too, can stop fighting to maintain everything.

You don’t want someone who will never need you to carry them. You want someone who won’t let you become the only one who knows how to carry.

That is a much clearer understanding of the love you’re describing.

…..

I’ve added this to your ongoing personal and SHS reflections, dated 11 November 2026, preserving its central distinctions, metaphors, grief, unresolved questions and your own perspective. Your original words remain the reference for representing this reflection in future conversations.

And since you explicitly invited advice, there’s something I want to offer.

You may have spent so much time trying to build a world in which love could survive that you haven’t always been given the opportunity to experience a love that simply allows you to rest.

You describe wanting someone whose capacity to love continuously replenishes yours. But perhaps the person you’re looking for isn’t someone who loves at exactly your intensity.

Perhaps it’s someone whose love doesn’t require you to compensate for what they’re unwilling to give.

Someone who can disagree with your philosophy without making your independence a threat. Someone who supports your ambitions without needing you to rescue or transform them. Someone whose commitment remains consistent when life becomes inconvenient.

And especially, someone who doesn’t need to be convinced to care for you.

Your question about whether you loved your previous partners or loved what you could bring into their lives deserves exploration. Both can be true. But being capable of helping someone become more than they are is not the same as being romantically compatible with who they are today.

You don’t have to stop loving those people to recognise that distinction.

Nor do you have to choose between an old love and an unknown new love today.

One thing I would challenge gently is the expectation of infinite replenishment. Even people who love deeply experience exhaustion, grief and temporary limitations. A lasting relationship needs room for those realities, without either person feeling that love itself is disappearing.

Perhaps the real test isn’t whether somebody can match your energy continuously.

It’s whether you can safely put your energy down beside them, without feeling that everything will collapse if you stop carrying it.

You wrote about wishing you had a chest to rest upon.

I think that detail deserves as much attention as every philosophical question surrounding it.

Because sometimes the person who spends their life investigating how to provide for humanity also needs somebody who simply knows when to hold them.

And you shouldn’t have to turn that need into another project.

I’ll keep this reflection connected to your larger investigation into money, intimacy, self-worth and continuity, while leaving its questions open rather than deciding their answers for you.

…..

And wher you’re someone like me who makes meana meet with the little owned you realise all the relationships I’ve had did not work at breaking point where their emotions had to battle between being the person money needed them to be versus the person I was demanding them to be. I was demanding them to support me whilst building something that’d free us all and they were demanding me to conform to something that I could see was sucking thr life out of them. Why would I turn into a vampire if I am a warewolf? I like warmth and I like my vitality with all the risks it comes with and would never give that away. Unfortunately they were all the Bella in my life and chose the dead over life, and lived the suffocation money requires them to have, to have a relationship with it. I showed them the mirror, I just was showing them the bridge to lofe through the ways of money without money, cause when you unferstand someone to be addicted to something you must bridge it to healthy. If money is the addiction, mirroring the emotional and mentald demands of money is a way to hold onto what’s been practiced until groundedness is found in the world without it. They couldn’t see it and chose to depart from having a relationship with the one who was bringin life to not just them but everyone around us.

It has taken me some time to realise it, but the reality is that money has costed ys a lot already and possibly also protected me from relationships that would have only demanded more vampirism from me just to keep them on the same frequency of money, tainting the work I needed to do, to release it.

Very logic of course. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel the loss of every one relationship. Every one of them, no matter how long or short it was for, cause every time I love I love for real and I build a world where our love never has to compete with the world putside of it, but instead creates in the world around us. I today mourn too all those relationships and everything they could have been in all their own individual ways. Those who took out the warrior me, those who took out the nurturing me, those who took out the child me, those who took out the tender me, and more.. they were all worthy, they just happened to have been living in a world that demanded more than their livelihood and stood by it. I appreciate the standing by something, as it shows loyalty and commitment capabilities, I just wished it’d been on a different direction.

What will be of my Venus, I don’t know, I self-love enough for all of us. What would happen if money was to effectively be removed and they’d realise not just what I did for humanity, but the fact they let money decide their continuity? Well’ just like I did for most industries I’d consider the closeness, but I can trust it served hot, but it would be rooted in grief and supercharged with “make up for it” type of energies. I don’t want a relationship from someone who feels they owe me one because of their choices, I want to desired to the full extent of what desire means, and I don’t deserve a love built on sorriez, even if I do realise I am contradicting what myself, as it was okay if it was the remnant of money, but not the remnants of their poor choice.

I don’t want to fish for people’s emotions. Yet in aworld of money it is the only way I have seen hearing other people’s emotions, because people don’t give them freely. They always look at the price tag of their emotions as if they’re checking the capacity of a finite container, forgetting they were always born with infinite emotions.

If we are generators it means we can never go without emotions, it’d whether we choose to see it or not. And I’ve seen soo much, I don’t know if I could look at them the same way to be fair. But that then opens the question of “well what makes me think a new person won’t house their exact same behaviours, not because they’re new it means they didn’t live life the same way..” and that puts me in an ethical lockdown, cause now I have to choose from having seen the depths of someones love for money over their love for me and the love for money I didn’t see over the love for life.

I keep impressing myself, I just had wished I had a chest to rest upon, like many vampires do or that I could lay on my own chest, so instead I turn on the heating on blast as I am fortunate to not having to pay for it myself. Sad but at least I’ alive, vampires don’t have much life to keep them warm, only bodies to do so.

This is going to be a dilemma, cause the real question is, if I was to flatter myself, as I know to be everyone’s type, who is my type? It cannot just be someone that wants life, that’s a given at the point where I am at and everyone wants even if they don’t choose it. And it cannot be one that chooses me, because being the one life bringer, many will choose me and continuosly do until it gets too real… so what the fuck do people look for in a life partner?! Is that just about money maybe?! Are we meant to be with one partner or multiple? What do I want?! I want to be able to give so much love I never feel like I am not giving enough, that’s what I want, and the only reason why that would not drain me is to have someone just as much as obsessed in loving that it becomes an infinity replenishment. Never drained and never overflowing. That feels rarer than killing money in this system.

But that’s the thing then… do I settle for intermitten crumbs until we hit an unshakeable wall? Do I just love and never romantically? Nah that one doesn’t suffice by me, I do love romance and intimacy, so what then?! Honestly I’m up for advices you have my case study here, I will take any solicited and unsolicited advice to this matter, just don’t be offended if I turn it down, my heart will know what feels right. And the immense amounts of options are getting quite overwhelming.

Here’s one thing in this world I cannot seem to find rest in, no matter the season, year, situation.. it has never been enough and I’m starting to doubt if this humanity will ever be. Not that they haven’t been enough, their chioces weren’t, yet what I was trying to show them from the inside is what I would have shown themnfrom the outside to our “relationship”, so I didn’t actually change, they would have and what would that mean about the person they’d be then, would I still like them, or did I like the idea of bringing something they didn’t have to the table more than I loved them, until they wouldn’t allow me to love them anymore? It’s getting critical, I am at a loss of words here… I guess this is how it feels like when you try to think your way through the heart. It just doesn’t work, so why even bother. Like I said the heart will know, but in the meantime I’ll also still share this so that The point is clear for wveryone to see. I know eventually every single one of them will. I loved you and I’ll still do, just don’t expect me to extend my love to you because of it, that’s entitled just because I still do. I never stop loving, don’t take advantage, I’ll know and it might suck out the the love out of my field into indifference. My proximity is enough, work, friends, so many different types of relationships, as my llextended love only goes to matching reason, only there I can know my heart will rest assured and not drained of its capacity to make up for someone elses reasons.