This is the second-last post. The cover photo will be the wins Lottoland finally couldn’t ignore — lawyers now where once there were empty threats. I said I might stop writing; I still can. This blog is mine and I decide how I end it. But before the cover, before the applause (or the silence), hear this: I am taking my money and I am doing me until the world that wants me asks me to come back.
I showed up for you. I moved through rooms with nothing but good intent and a catalogue of ideas that could have changed how we live.
And every single time the answer arrived as a tumbleweed.
It’s not subtle. The message has been loud and consistent: “We do not want better.” You prefer this soul-sucking, capitalistic hamster wheel to anything I could build that actually makes space for freedom. When there are crickets after I give everything, the sound I hear is clear: take your money, shut up about our world, and let us suffer in peace.
Fine.
I am not here to be begged into generosity. I am not here to be misread, gaslit, or turned into the punchline for someone else’s comfort. So I’m clocking out — until the day someone commissions me to clock in. Because I am the masterpiece: my mind the holy grail, my soul the El Dorado, my body a temple I use for my own delight now. If you don’t deserve that, then the fault is yours — not mine.
Core Section echoed out
Y’all don’t even know how to relate to unconditional love anymore.. I get told “Oh I know what you’re trying to do” when I take my cups, plates or else to the waiter, yet they feel compelled to do it because of their craft, but if I do it I’m trying to look good, not trying to make their work easier… well.
I remember people’s names and greet them daily, and they think I’m trying to make them fight against each other for my attention, when all along I was prepping to offer them a role to get out of being a barista as I saw a spark of good heart in them, but it went from “Hi Suzy” loudly in front of everyone to not even looking at me in the face the day after… From “we love you, to we don’t know who you are anymore, we don’t trust this version of you”, when it’s the only version that can lead them to their awakening over their demise, as if you look around and pay attention society isn’t doing well and it has no ignition in doing any better going forward.
You try and tell them about the overtake AI will have over people’s work and they laugh until the day they are the ones left without a job.. you tell them of how that will lead to chaos as people aren’t doing well already and they think you’re being paranoid. You try to treat them with compassion over their lacks and they think you’re fetching for God knows what. You give them love through your work, they take it, raise their prices and say nothing in acknowledgement nor thank yous, and still you don’t call them out when they do it the second time..
You try and explain to them the ways of this universe and they think you’re delusional.. you give them undying trust and they doubt your sanity or honesty. You give them attention and they take space without giving back.. you give them second chances and they show up empty handed.. you speak to them in archetypes and they think you believe to be the reincarnation of Judas, when we all are and you’re only speaking in frequencies, but yet again the ignorant thinks you’re the one losing it..
You try to get them to open up their cold hearts they spent years and years hiding away from everyone and they give you the silent treatment about how you were raised.. You offer them a role and they don’t want to stick around to build it with you even if it benefits them… You call out toxic people in their lives and they choose the toxic ones over you, just to then live in the shame of ever not trusting you… you call them out on their own toxicity and they rebel against you instead of taking minutes to introspect… you give them everything and they take it and give it to someone else, not caring whether you’ll have for yourself…
You hold the door for their growth and they spit on it, by not doing the work it will take for them to feel less self-conscious to be around you. You tell them about how people don’t really know how to maintain relationships when there’s nothing to gain for them, and they think you’re trying to make them look bad, when they were the ones all along who did not know anything about the UNCONDITIONAL part to love, as all they’ve ever known is to love on condition.
Back to AI
I have been generous to a fault. I gave people second chances until the chances were hollow. I called out toxicity and was cast out as the villain for naming the rot. I offered a lifeline and watched it be sold back at a markup. I gave attention and love and time, and it was handed, without care, to someone else, no care whether I had any left for me. I carried doors open for others’ growth and they spat on the threshold. I tried to wake hearts and they covered their ears.
This is not martyrdom. This is boundary. This is cold clarity. I will not flay myself raw for ungrateful hands. I will not make myself visible for eyes that refuse to be worthy. I am tired of making myself small to soothe your discomfort. You do not deserve me, so I will remove my ambitions from your collective consciousness and travel, create, and luxuriate I have been crafting in private.
I have plans that require patrons who believe in futures they cannot yet afford. I will wait for those who want to build a new world with me — those who will show up with humility, accountability, and the courage to do the inner work. Until then, my art, my teachings, my time — they are reserved. I will let the 3D continue with its sad little comforts. Enjoy your familiar grind. I’ll be elsewhere, spending my wins in the currencies that matter: peace, presence, and sanity.
Sometimes I think about what it would have been like to stay small and selfish — to keep my old job, to keep pretending everything was fine, without having a care about all the sadness people house. Maybe that would have been easier. Maybe I would have had fewer enemies. But I would have died bit by bit inside. I chose otherwise. I chose sovereignty over safety. I chose to be wild, embodied, and real even when it made people uncomfortable.
If you ever come back with humility, if you ever choose the difficult path of growth, I will be here — but not as the unpaid light that cleans up your dysfunction. I will be here as a partner, a craftsman of possibility, a leader for those who have done the inner miles. I will ask for reciprocity, for accountability, for love that does not come with an expiration date.
Until then: this is where I clock out. I’ve fought, I’ve given, I’ve been betrayed, and I have risen. I am not declining into bitterness — I am redirecting my output to my true collaborators: myself, my vision, and those who dare to meet me halfway. I am taking my wins, my dignity, and my work, and I am doing the most for myself.
Enjoy your 3D. Keep the same small comforts. Keep telling yourselves you’re fine. I’ve tried to bring you a map; you ripped it up. The cover photo will show the wins that changed everything — not because of luck, but because I refused to be gaslighted into silence. This is my exit and my opening. I will be back only on terms that honor what I am.
Clocked out. Until commissioned.
But really.. how can I blame fake ass niggas?! Masks, are all you are to yourselves, how can I expect more of you?!
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