If someone was to ever ask me if I believe in thw afterlife, I’d have to say: Yes, 100%. We are in it now and i’m living in my hell, for whatever sin I sinned…

And now I am starting to realise something that genuinely hurts to realise.

It doesn’t matter what era it is.

It doesn’t matter what century.

It doesn’t matter whether it was Jesus.

Whether it was the serpent.

Whether it is me.

Whether it is anybody else who has ever looked at this world and thought:

Surely we can do better than this.

It just doesn’t matter.

Because the pattern is fucking timeless.

You can change the clothes.

Change the language.

Change the religion.

Change the governments.

Change the technologies.

Change the buildings.

Change the fucking century.

And somehow—

same shit.

There is still no real space for the person who genuinely wants better.

Not theoretically.

Not rhetorically.

Not as a slogan.

I mean genuinely.

The person who wants to build something better and is willing to live differently because of it.

Where the fuck do they go?

Because I am starting to understand Jesus in a way I never understood him before.

There was a point where I thought:

Why did he bail?

Why did he let himself be taken?

Why didn’t he just stand up for himself?

Why didn’t he fight?

Why didn’t he simply refuse?

And now?

I have a different thought.

Maybe he wasn’t simply dying for people’s sins in the way we have been taught to phrase it.

Maybe he was dying for the oldest fucking sin of all:

people not actually wanting better.

Because wanting better is easy.

Believing in better is easy.

Preaching better is easy.

Writing about better is easy.

Talking about better is easy.

Living better is the hard part.

And if one does not act on better, then one does not actually want better.

One wants the idea of better.

And those are not the same thing.

That, to me, is the real timeless sin.

Not that humans are imperfect.

Not that humans make mistakes.

Not that humans fall.

But that humanity can look at suffering and still choose the conditions that reproduce it.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Century after century.

And that is why I am starting to question something else.

Maybe Heaven was never made to be on Earth.

Maybe we keep trying to force the language of Heaven onto a place that simply does not have the conditions for it.

Because Earth?

Earth is not fertile for Heaven.

At least not in the way I have been imagining it.

I used to think Heaven on Earth was a possibility waiting to be unlocked.

Something humanity could build if it finally got its shit together.

But now I am thinking:

Does Earth even know how to create Heaven?

Because look around.

Water.

Fire.

Air.

Earth.

Life.

Energy.

The elements are everywhere.

And yet somehow the human arrangement of them keeps producing the same fucking thing.

Hierarchy.

Scarcity.

Competition.

Consumption.

Dominance.

Dependency.

Fear.

Control.

And then we dress it up.

We put a beautiful building around it.

Give it a flag.

Give it a logo.

Give it a religion.

Give it a constitution.

Give it a title.

Give it a job description.

Give it a fucking mission statement.

And suddenly death has been glamorised into life.

Movement becomes proof of life.

Productivity becomes proof of life.

Consumption becomes proof of life.

Noise becomes proof of life.

Growth becomes proof of life.

But is it life?

Or is it simply a very elaborate way of moving death around?

Because perhaps that is what I have been looking at.

A society full of movement that is not necessarily alive.

People walking.

Working.

Buying.

Selling.

Talking.

Arguing.

Posting.

Preaching.

Building.

Destroying.

Rebuilding.

Repeating.

And we call it life because things are moving.

But movement is not life.

A machine moves.

An economy moves.

A crowd moves.

A conveyor belt moves.

A corpse can be moved.

Movement does not prove aliveness.

And perhaps that is why this whole thing suddenly feels so fucking strange to me.

Because I thought I was trying to give other people the rapture.

I thought I was trying to wake people up.

I thought I was trying to show people the possibility of something beyond what currently exists.

And now I am sitting here thinking:

I got fucking raptured.

Because once you see the difference between what a thing says it is and what it actually does, it becomes very difficult to unsee.

Once you see that wanting is not the same as choosing.

Once you see that preaching is not the same as practising.

Once you see that functioning is not the same as living.

Once you see that movement is not the same as progress.

Once you see that consumption is not the same as abundance.

Once you see that having options is not the same as being free.

You cannot fucking unsee it.

And then you are standing there watching everybody else carry on as if nothing has happened.

That is the strangest part.

I thought I was bringing people into the rapture.

Apparently I was the one getting lifted out of the illusion.

And now I am looking around thinking:

Oh.

This is it.

This is what everyone accepted.

This is what everyone normalised.

This is what everyone defended.

This is what everyone inherited and decided was good enough.

And perhaps that is why the idea of Heaven on Earth is so difficult.

Because Heaven requires participation.

It requires people to want it enough to behave differently.

Not just say they want it.

Not just pray for it.

Not just vote for it.

Not just write books about it.

Not just preach about it.

Participate in it.

And if people continually choose the conditions that prevent Heaven, then Heaven cannot simply be dropped onto Earth from the sky.

There has to be somewhere for it to land.

There has to be fertile ground.

And maybe that is what I have been missing.

You cannot build Heaven on Earth while Earth keeps rewarding the opposite.

You cannot build peace while rewarding domination.

You cannot build freedom while rewarding dependence.

You cannot build human dignity while rewarding the reduction of humans into economic units.

You cannot build love while continually practising transaction.

You cannot build truth while protecting convenience.

You cannot build life while continuously financing death.

And perhaps that is the part I cannot think myself out of.

Because I genuinely thought there would be more resistance to the shit.

I genuinely thought there would be more people who, when given the chance, would say:

No.

No.

I don’t want this.

I don’t want to participate in this.

I don’t want to contribute to this.

I don’t want my life built on somebody else’s suffering.

I don’t want comfort at the expense of somebody else’s dignity.

I don’t want success if success requires me to become somebody I don’t respect.

I thought there would be more people like that.

There aren’t.

Or at least, I have not found them in the numbers I expected.

And that realisation is brutal.

Because suddenly I understand why the same problems can survive for centuries.

They don’t only survive because the powerful preserve them.

They survive because enough ordinary people keep participating in them.

And that is a much harder truth to swallow.

Because it means the enemy is not always some distant institution.

Sometimes it is the collective willingness to continue.

And that collective willingness is fucking powerful.

So perhaps humanity’s greatest problem has never been that nobody knew better.

Perhaps it has always been that people could imagine better and still choose familiar.

Again.

Again.

Again.

And now I have to ask the question I never wanted to ask:

What if Earth isn’t a failed Heaven?

What if Earth is simply Earth?

What if the mistake was expecting Heaven to emerge automatically from a species that has not yet learned how to create the conditions for it?

What if the elements are here, but the human being is not ready?

What if the ingredients exist, but the consciousness required to combine them doesn’t?

And perhaps that is why I keep looking around and thinking:

This is not life.

Not because nothing is moving.

Everything is moving.

Everything is screaming.

Everything is selling.

Everything is consuming.

Everything is competing.

Everything is producing.

Everything is accelerating.

But where is the fucking life?

Where is the depth?

Where is the presence?

Where is the humanity?

Where is the actual experience of being alive?

Because sometimes I swear this whole place is death glamorised into life.

It looks alive because there is so much movement.

It looks alive because there are lights.

Cars.

Buildings.

Shops.

Screens.

Music.

People.

Money.

Technology.

Noise.

But perhaps that is the trick.

Perhaps we have confused activity with aliveness.

And once you stop confusing the two—

the whole fucking illusion starts collapsing.

So no.

I don’t have some triumphant conclusion.

I don’t suddenly know how to save humanity.

I don’t know what the answer is.

I don’t know how to build Heaven on Earth.

I don’t even know whether Earth, as presently organised, is capable of holding it.

I only know that I can no longer pretend I don’t see what I see.

And perhaps that is the cruelest gift.

Because once you have seen it, you have a choice.

You can go back to sleep.

Or you can stay awake and admit that you have no fucking idea what comes next.

I don’t know what comes next.

But I know this:

I do not want to spend the rest of my existence pretending death is life simply because everyone else agreed to call it that.

….

Like, it really doesn’t matter the era. It doesn’t matter the century. It doesn’t really matter whether it was Jesus, whether it was the serpent, whether it was me. Like, it just doesn’t matter. Like, it’s like there’s genuinely no space for someone that wants and believes that the world could be a better place. There’s just none whatsoever. And that gets me to be so much more compassionate with even Jesus, because I was like— there was a point where I was like, well, he bailed. He could have stood up for himself. He bailed. But honestly, when we say he died for people’s sins, the only sins that he died for was the fucking fact that people don’t actually want better. That is the largest sin, and it’s timeless. It was then, just like it is now. And now I’m starting to question whether heaven was ever made to be on Earth. I don’t think so. I don’t think that Earth is fertile for heaven. It genuinely isn’t. It just isn’t. I don’t even think that Earth knows how to create heaven on Earth. Like, it just doesn’t. Because if not, the agents would have— like the elements, I mean, like water, fire, and whatnot, would have had more of a say, like more of an impact, you know? But it just doesn’t. It doesn’t hit no matter what. It doesn’t. It just doesn’t do anything whatsoever. God damn. That is a very harsh realization. Here I thought that I was giving other people the rapture. I got raptured. I got fucking raptured, because this is, this is like a— this is the freaking rapture. But humanity does not want to give away to seeing of not wanting better, because one does not want better if one does not act on that better. Like, it’s just make believe. Oh my God. Okay. Well, I’m just gonna get the posts to 2,300 and then just leave it at that, because at this point there’s really nothing that I can do. Like this Earth is just— it’s a lost cause, man. This society is a lost cause. Like there’s nothing that anyone can do about this society, because society itself doesn’t want anything to be done on it. Like it’s just— it’s just done for, boy. But in all of it, I’m still the one that appears crazy. Not them just accepting this way of life. That is the most funny part of all. That is the funniest part of all. This is like a— it’s a comedy show, bro. Like it’s a comedy show, and it’s just— there’s no roof. The sky is the roof. But we also know that the sky isn’t a roof either. So I have no idea what this is, man. I have so no idea what this is. The only thing that I know is that this is not life. This is for sure death, glamorized into life. It seems like there’s life, but because there’s so much, so many components moving and whatnot. But really, there’s none.

……