There’s no other side to the coin. It’s all the same just different face. I answered myself to the question that started it all in 2023: ” What’s on the other side of the coin? “. Nothing different.

I think I have finally found the thing I cannot think myself out of.

And that is saying something.

Because I have spent my entire life thinking myself out of things.

I can usually find the missing angle.

The contradiction.

The loophole.

The third option.

The thing nobody else saw.

But this one?

I genuinely don’t know.

Because the more I look at the world, the more it appears that there is no in-between.

There is no space for life in the land of the dead.

You are either the provider—

or the consumer.

You are either producing the thing—

or consuming the thing.

You are either on one side of the mechanism—

or the other.

And sometimes, when I listen to Nietzsche’s frequency of realism, I understand exactly why it feels so fucking real.

Because strip away the language.

Strip away the branding.

Strip away the politics.

Strip away the morality.

Strip away the nice words.

And what is left?

A revolving door.

Provider.

Consumer.

Consumer becomes provider.

Provider creates more consumption.

Consumption creates more demand.

Demand creates more provision.

And around we go.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Never leaving the mechanism.

And this is where it becomes genuinely fucking disturbing.

Because sometimes you aren’t merely the consumer.

You are consuming the very thing that will eventually turn you into the provider.

You learn how to consume.

Then you learn how to provide consumption.

Then somebody else consumes what you provide.

Then they become another provider.

And the cycle continues.

A machine with no obvious exit.

And everyone tells themselves they are free because they can choose which part of the machine they want to occupy.

Choose your industry.

Choose your politics.

Choose your religion.

Choose your ideology.

Choose your corporation.

Choose your career.

Choose your lifestyle.

Choose your side.

But choose.

Always choose.

And I keep asking:

Where is the fucking third option?

Where do you simply get to live?

Not exploit.

Not be exploited.

Not manufacture someone else’s dependency.

Not become dependent yourself.

Not sell your conscience.

Not buy someone else’s suffering.

Not package human weakness and call it business.

Not turn pain into a product.

Not become a product yourself.

Where is that space?

Because I keep looking.

And I can’t find it.

And this is where the Satan archetype enters for me.

Not necessarily as some cartoon character sitting somewhere underground with horns.

I mean Satan as the archetype of the bargain.

The exchange.

The transaction where you receive something while giving away something essential.

The deal where your soul becomes the hidden currency.

And perhaps that is what terrifies me about participation.

People think they’re paying with money.

Sometimes I think they’re paying with themselves.

Their attention.

Their time.

Their integrity.

Their curiosity.

Their freedom.

Their ability to feel.

Their ability to question.

Their ability to say no.

Their ability to walk away.

And perhaps the most frightening thing is that they don’t even experience it as payment.

Because the transaction has become normal.

You give.

You receive.

You continue.

And eventually you don’t even remember what you gave away.

So yes—

perhaps I sound extreme.

Perhaps I sound insane.

Perhaps I sound like I’ve gone too far down the rabbit hole.

But here’s the strange part.

I don’t feel detached from reality.

I feel like I am looking at it too directly.

And that is what makes this so fucking weird.

Because I have spent the past two weeks talking to people from completely different worlds.

Different ages.

Different backgrounds.

Different skin colours.

Different industries.

Different beliefs.

Different identities.

Different languages.

And underneath the differences?

Sometimes I swear I am looking at the same organism.

Different heads.

Different clothes.

Different vocabulary.

Different stories.

Same energy.

Same patterns.

Same unconsciousness.

Same contradictions.

Same need to defend the identity they’ve built.

It’s like stepping on something black that looks like hair and suddenly watching billions of spiders scatter in every direction.

Different directions.

Same spiders.

And that image will not leave me.

Because perhaps that is society.

A beast with a billion heads and a billion bodies—

all convinced they are separate.

All convinced they are different.

All convinced their side is the answer.

Left.

Right.

Spiritual.

Political.

Religious.

Secular.

Corporate.

Anti-corporate.

Consumer.

Provider.

And then somewhere in the middle we construct another identity and call it balance.

But sometimes the middle is not an escape.

Sometimes it is simply both sides meeting.

Put spirituality on one side.

Politics on the other.

And perhaps religion appears in the middle.

Put capitalism on one side.

Anti-capitalism on the other.

And something else appears between them.

Again.

Same energies.

Different packaging.

Different language.

Different uniforms.

Different stories.

Same fucking beast.

And perhaps this is why I keep feeling like I am standing outside of something I cannot enter.

Because I don’t want either side.

I don’t want to provide abuse.

And I don’t want to receive it.

I don’t want to exploit.

And I don’t want to be exploited.

I don’t want to sell my soul.

And I don’t want to purchase somebody else’s suffering with mine.

I don’t want to become a cog in the machine.

And I don’t want to become the person manufacturing the machine.

So where the fuck does that leave me?

Because this is the first time in my life where I genuinely cannot immediately produce the third option.

And I hate that.

I hate that because I built this entire project on the belief that there are always more possibilities.

There are more ways.

There are better ways.

There are different ways.

And suddenly I am looking around thinking:

Are there actually?

Because everyone keeps choosing one side or the other.

Everyone keeps telling me that there are options.

And then I watch what they actually do.

And there aren’t.

Not really.

They just move around inside the same structure.

They switch costumes.

They change employers.

They change parties.

They change churches.

They change companies.

They change relationships.

They change products.

They change slogans.

But the underlying mechanism remains.

That is what is fucking with my head.

Not that humanity is different.

But that humanity might be much more similar than it wants to admit.

And perhaps that is the greatest identity fraud of all.

Not somebody stealing somebody else’s identity.

Humanity disguising its own.

People appearing functional while being profoundly dysfunctional.

People preaching freedom while practising obedience.

People preaching love while practising domination.

People preaching truth while protecting convenience.

People preaching change while protecting the exact conditions that prevent it.

And yesterday I met somebody who, at least, had the honesty to say:

“I preach, but I don’t practise.”

Do you know how refreshing that was?

Because I wish there were labels for this.

Put one on someone’s forehead:

I PREACH AND I DON’T PRACTISE — AND I KNOW IT.

Another:

I PREACH AND I DON’T KNOW WHETHER I PRACTISE IT.

And another:

I DON’T PREACH ANYTHING. I JUST DO WHAT I’VE ALWAYS DONE.

At least we’d have honesty.

Because perhaps hypocrisy is not the most dangerous thing.

Perhaps unexamined hypocrisy is.

The person who knows they’re contradictory can change.

The person who doesn’t even realise they are contradictory doesn’t know there is anything to change.

And that is where the world starts looking completely fucking solid.

Rock solid.

Not because it is healthy.

Because it is entrenched.

People aren’t necessarily functioning.

They’re functioning within dysfunction.

And there is a huge difference.

That is the metaphysical part of this for me.

Two eyes can tell you someone is functioning.

They go to work.

They pay their bills.

They have a house.

They have friends.

They smile.

They speak.

They dress well.

They appear integrated.

But two eyes cannot see what the mind is doing.

They cannot see what the emotions are carrying.

They cannot see what has been buried.

They cannot see what someone has normalised.

They cannot see what somebody has sacrificed internally in order to appear externally functional.

And suddenly the word functional itself starts looking suspicious.

Because functional according to what?

Functional for whom?

Functional towards what end?

A machine can be functioning perfectly while producing something disastrous.

So perhaps we have confused functioning with living.

And perhaps that is why I keep saying:

There is no space for life in the land of the dead.

Because if every available position requires you to either participate in the mechanism or become its product—

then where does someone who simply wants to live go?

Where does somebody go who wants neither dominance nor submission?

Neither exploitation nor dependency?

Neither consumption nor the manufacture of consumption?

Where does somebody go who wants to create without destroying?

To trade without manipulating?

To contribute without becoming owned?

To receive without becoming indebted?

To exist without having to become somebody else’s economic instrument?

Where?

Because I genuinely don’t know.

And I am not going to pretend I do.

That is the honest part.

For the first time, I am staring at a problem and saying:

I don’t fucking know.

I don’t know how to think myself out of this.

I don’t know how to get out of the revolving door.

I don’t know how to exist outside both sides.

I don’t know what the third option looks like.

But I know one thing.

I still want life.

I want to experience what life could actually be.

I want something that isn’t this.

And that matters.

Because maybe the fact that I cannot see the third option doesn’t mean there isn’t one.

Maybe it means nobody has built it yet.

Maybe there is no existing category for it.

Maybe the mistake is believing I have to find my place somewhere inside the existing diagram.

Maybe the task is to draw another fucking diagram.

Because I refuse to accept that the only choices are:

provider or consumer.

perpetrator or recipient.

master or servant.

preacher or hypocrite.

left or right.

inside or outside.

There has to be something else.

I don’t know what it is yet.

But I refuse to call the absence of an existing option proof that there is no option.

Because that would mean the machine won before we even started.

And I am not ready to give it that victory.

..

Okay, write the next one. This is all about how there’s really no in between. Like, there’s no space for life in the land of the dead. Like, there’s no space for it. It’s, like, crazy. Like, it’s just not— it’s not conducive. It is so not conducive. And you’re either the provider, or you’re the consumer. Like, you only have those two choices in this world. Like, I’m hearing in Nietzsche’s frequency of realism, and it’s so fucking real, and you can’t unsee it. Like, you’re either the provider of the abuse, or you’re the one getting abused. But for the sake of people’s egos, we’re gonna continue. Like, please keep the language that I’m using, all of it, but we’re also gonna add on top of that that you’re either on one side or on the other. Like, there’s just no in between. Like, there’s no getting out of it. Like, there’s genuinely no getting out of it. Like, and I’m just, for the first time ever, I think this is the one thing that I cannot think myself out of. I genuinely don’t know how to think myself out of this one. I’ve never been in a position where I can think myself out of something. Like, genuinely. I don’t want to be a provider, because I don’t want to abuse others. I don’t want to take advantage of others. I am so not gonna pay my soul, pay with my soul, because that’s what it would be, basically. Like, there’s no other. Like, it’s not— people like to think that they’re not paying with it, but that is exactly what it is. They’re literally, by contributing, they’re literally investing into Satan every single day. And please keep all the references and the archetypes that I’m utilizing. Like, there’s just no in between. You’re the consumer. You’re either the consumer, or the other side. And then the cycle goes on, because then the consumer learns how to be the provider, the provider of consumption. And then it just continues, like never-ending. It’s just revolving door. Like, I don’t understand it. I don’t get it. I don’t get it. Like, I feel like I’m an insider or something, but, like, the mind, it’s the world. Like, I swear, I’m so fine and I’m so sane and so grounded. Like, it sounds so weird. Because obviously, if I was to— if I had lost, like, touch with reality, oh, I wouldn’t even been questioning myself like that. Like, I would just probably just hang around with the addicts, you know, or the drunkies. Like, they want to recruit so much. They will literally offer you free, for free. But I have no interest in it. Like, no absolutely interest in it. So you’re left with watching it all from the outside. You watch both those who perish and those who provide the perishness. Like, it is just—I mean, it just doesn’t make sense, bro. It just doesn’t make sense. Like, what the actual fuck? And, like, they don’t even realize. Like, they are so rooted in it. Like, it doesn’t matter what side of the world, it doesn’t matter what industry, it doesn’t matter what they do, what they don’t do, it doesn’t matter how they look. It just doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Like, they are all just the same. Like, they don’t— it just doesn’t matter. Like, it’s quite baffling, honestly. It’s so baffling. Because you look at them. They all look, they seem functioning, but they’re so not functioning. This is fraud. This is identity fraud. Like, this is, like, the largest identity fraud ever existed in the history of humanity. Like, people looking— like people— how is it that people so dysfunctional can appear so functional? It doesn’t compute, because you never know. Like, it’s so hidden from sight. And this is metaphysical, because obviously what’s hidden from sight, we just assume that all those that look functional are functioning pretty well. But they’re not. Like, they’re genuinely not. But because they look so functional, they look so integrated, it’s just, like, it’s just another day, bro. But the moment you start looking at the things that one cannot see with two eyes, which are emotions and mind, and you start seeing how they actually go about those things, that’s when you start really questioning any type of functionality. But this makes no sense, bro. There’s genuinely no in between. I’ve looked everywhere. There’s no in between. You either provide or you receive. Like, it just makes no sense. And it doesn’t matter to which part of the two you speak to. Like, they just can’t see it. They really, they just can’t see it. It’s just, I don’t know. It’s so— the only word that I have for it is baffling. Thank you so much. Yeah, great beer, by the way. You have a great beer. I mean, what can you do? You can only compliment the things that they do work on, the only things that they focus on, the only things that they seem to appreciate, right? Someone clearly works hard on their beard, well, you gotta compliment that, especially if you just ask them for a cigarette. Oh, I wish I was somewhere in fucking South America, at least I didn’t even have to buy my tobacco. I could just go somewhere in the field and just find it growing like it’s nothing and just go through the whole process myself and do it by hand. But instead I’m here in fucking London. London, bro. Out of all places, in London, bro. Oh my God. I chose… because the choice was between USA and London. I don’t know which is worse, honestly. I have no idea which is worse. Like if I had been— probably if I had been in the U.S. I would have gotten to this point way sooner, because there it’s everything is just so loud, like, it’s just so loud. Here it’s all insidious. Like you have to actually develop, like X-ray vision to see it here. Ah, actually, that’s a gift. That’s a blessing, to be fair. Because if I had gone to the U.S. it would have been so easy to see that I might have not actually developed the depth of intuition that I’ve built myself to. And I have no idea where I would be in this situation, because it wouldn’t have been a situation where you can clearly see it everywhere. Doesn’t matter what side. Doesn’t matter how they look. It doesn’t matter the skin color. Like, in the past two weeks I’ve spoken with all skin colors, all ages, and it does not matter. All think the same. All do the same. They just use different languages to… To express the exact same thing, the exact same energies. They all embody the exact same energy. They just differentiate themselves and disguise it. Like… it’s like you set foot on a black thing that looks like hair, and then you just see billions of, like, spiders just going across. All the exact same. All going in different directions. Still the same. This is so… This is so weird, bro. This is so freaking weird. Like, this is so freaking weird, bro. Like, I just… I cannot. I just cannot. Like, it’s so weird how they’re all the same. Like if you take away the illusion of difference, they’re all the same. None of them is awake. Like none of them. I’ve literally knocked on every industry’s door. Not physically, but, like, try to see, engage awakeness from everyone. And there’s just none of them that actually has it. Like none of them does. At this point, it’s like… like what? Like I can only speak. Like, the only thing that I have left in this world is just speak my fucking mind, because there’s nothing else to do. Because I don’t want to be on either side of them. It’s like left wing and right wing. I don’t want to be either. And then there’s the illusion of the in-between, which isn’t really an in-between. It’s just the exact same energies. It’s just both of them coming together. Like, imagine if you put, I don’t know, spirituality on one extent, and you put politics on the other extent, you find religion in between. It’s just both of them put together. Like it’s… And you can do the same diagram with so many other sections of society. They’re all the motherfucking same, bro. It’s like a beast with a billion heads and bodies. Like what the fuck? What the actual fuck? I am laughing. What the actual fuck? How is this even possible? Like… Like how is this even genuinely possible? How can this be possible? Like… How can this really be possible? I never thought this would be possible. That’s why I even started this project. That’s why I even started this quest. Because I was like, I am pretty sure that there’s gonna be someone out there that sees it and wants to do something about it. I’m pretty sure. But they’re all the motherfucking same. Oh my God. At least some of them are fucking honest enough, like the guy from the book from yesterday. Honest enough to say, I preach, but I don’t practice. I wish that would have been a more common thing for people to say. I preach a lot. I preach to know. I preach to be free. I preach to wanting freedom. I preach to wanting a change. I preach to wanting a better life. But really and truly, I practice none of it. I wish. I wish. Or I wish someone had, like, a tag that put on the forehead: I’m a preacher and I don’t practice, or I practice without even knowing. Like, either one or the other, because it’s both. Or actually, the label should be: one should be and should say, I’m a preacher and I don’t practice and I know it. And the other one should be: I’m a preacher, but I don’t know if I actually practice or not. You know? Bro, this is like my whole concept of reality is just, like, breaking down right now. Because I genuinely thought that life would have been more malleable. I thought that people would have been more easy to actually get through, bro. They are, like rock solid, bro. They are so rock solid on dysfunctionality. It makes no absolute sense, like whatsoever. It doesn’t matter the direction. It doesn’t matter any… Like I keep saying it because I don’t think my conscious mind wants to actually accept it yet. It doesn’t really matter. And I want life so bad. I want to experience what life could be. But there’s no life on this Earth for me. Like, there’s genuinely no space for someone like myself. Like, there’s no space whatsoever. Because the only spaces there are is either one or the other. Like, there’s no other choice. There’s no other option. Like, it’s just… There’s just no other option. And I was the one that was, like, claiming so hard, There’s so many options. There’s so many ways. There’s really none. Like, there’s actually none. Like, what should I do? I don’t know how to get out of this. I don’t want to hurt myself. I want to live life, but I don’t want to live life in this Earth. I really need a gift from God, I don’t know, an alien, like a spaceship, something. Come grab me, because, like, I don’t know. I don’t want to be anywhere close to any of them. Because they’re so corrupt. Like, it’s all glamorized, but it’s all corrupt. Like, the soul is the most corrupted thing ever. Like, it’s… Nah, bro. I don’t want to accept this. I don’t want to accept that I don’t have a choice. I genuinely don’t accept that I don’t have a choice. What the fuck do I do, bro?