I knew better and still I chose to be selfish and allow myself the childlike, freefalling, non-caring self to preceeds. What I knew?! I knew the world as it stands now, prefers professionality. I knew it prefers being polished. I knew it prefers being presentable. I knew it prefers talking about only what’s tangible, clear, visible, obvious.

I knew better and still I went on my own merry own ways. I chose to be free at the price of my negligence. Why? I didn’t account for what my approach would do and sure I might have gotten a great expansion, needed one, cause I wouldn’t have been able to explain humanity to humanity through everythinf that humanity has been allowing and doing, but at the same time it also delayed the success of my inpact, which means it delayed the contributions and collaborations I could have gotten on the way.

I celebrated being smart at the demise of those who I had hoped to see more. I celebrated my wisdom at the demise of those who hadn’t acquired it. I celebrated upon the foundations of sure those who could have done it before me, but I celebrated and rejoiced from my own existence, at the demise of those who were still learning to exist within a system that has given them enough reasons to distrust, to be suspicious, to be fearful, to be overbearing, to see low standards as the highest standards.

I knew better and I took advantage of it all. I repent for my sins and can only wish to make up for the time wasted, with the time I’m about to gain.

I am still not sorry to those I held accountable, simply because they were all adults, yet I am sorry for all the lives that passed that bringing the right attention to this mission would have avoided.