Let me carry your apology, you don’t need to talk. I’ll do you 1 better.

Perhaps to provide to your self loathing, you’d appreciate seeing its success in the same country that pays your engagement rings, and incentivise them to stop selling to dirty hands. Our diamonds carry too much blood thanks to your greed. It’s time we clean it up.

The same way an egg is rejecting me now, a painfull 5 day process for not having built the body where pms isn’t a thing yet, I shall reject the body that isn’t ready for me too.

I Came Here to Live. I Found Myself. I Built Something for Humanity. And Now, Perhaps, It Is Time to Take It Somewhere That Can Appreciate What I Have to Give.

Dear Britain,

I think I’m finally beginning to understand something I have spent far too long resisting.

Perhaps I was never supposed to build my future here. Perhaps I was only supposed to discover what I was capable of building.

And what an extraordinary discovery that has been.

I have spent years observing you, learning your ways, examining your institutions, studying your history, experiencing your culture, and attempting to understand the contradictions between what you present to the world and what people actually experience within your borders.

I have poured an extraordinary amount of myself into understanding the conditions that govern human life here.

And somewhere in that process, I found myself.

Not the person your institutions recognised.

Not the identity attached to a passport, a bank account, an immigration status, a tax record, an employment history or a collection of certifications.

I found the human being beneath all of it.

And with that discovery came SHS – Human First.

An entire architecture for thinking differently about humanity, resources, governance, education, welfare, consciousness, relationships and the conditions required for human life to flourish.

I began building something that I genuinely believe could be of extraordinary value to humanity.

And for a long time, I imagined Britain would be where it first came to life.

But now?

I’m beginning to question why.

Why am I so determined to begin here?

Why am I spending so much of my existence examining the failures of institutions that have had generations to understand their responsibilities?

Why am I fighting to establish something in an environment where so many of my own experiences have left me questioning whether genuine human connection is even valued without some form of transaction attached?

And this, Britain, is perhaps one of my greatest disappointments.

The relationships.

The networking.

The strategic exchanges.

The constant consideration of who someone knows, what someone possesses, what someone can offer, and how maintaining a relationship might benefit another person’s ambitions.

You even developed an entire professional vocabulary around forming relationships for the purpose of extracting opportunities from them.

Networking.

What a fascinating concept.

Whatever happened to simply wanting to know another human being?

To becoming someone’s friend because you genuinely appreciate their existence?

To being present when there is nothing to gain?

To loving someone without calculating their usefulness?

I have experienced relationships that seemed perfectly healthy until I no longer had something to offer.

And suddenly, there was nothing left to sustain them.

Even within my own family.

People whose relationships with me have sometimes seemed conditional upon what they could receive.

And perhaps that is what has hurt me most.

Not simply encountering these patterns in the wider society, but watching people close to me adopt behaviours that feel so far removed from the values of genuine connection that I hold dear.

I am not claiming every British person lives this way.

But I am saying that I am exhausted by the environments and relationships in which this way of living has become normalised.

I no longer want to spend my life teaching people why another human being deserves to be appreciated even when they have nothing to give.

I no longer want to beg for a quality of relationship I am perfectly willing to provide naturally.

And I certainly do not want to spend the next chapter of my existence trying to convince people to value what they have repeatedly demonstrated they are unwilling to recognise.

Let them live as they choose.

Let them keep their strategies.

Let them keep their performances.

Let them keep the relationships that only survive for as long as somebody remains useful.

But I no longer have to participate.

And perhaps the greatest freedom I could give myself is to stop trying to make Britain the home of something that might find its first physical expression elsewhere.

So, Britain, thank you.

Not because everything was beautiful.

Not because everything was fair.

Not because I have forgotten what I experienced.

But because, through all of it, I developed an extraordinary understanding of myself and the world.

I discovered my capacity to examine life beyond the arrangements humanity has inherited.

I discovered my ability to design something that reaches far beyond my own needs.

And I discovered that I do not need an entire country to understand me before I can choose a different future for myself.

I can simply leave.

Not today, perhaps.

There are resources to organise, arrangements to examine, and decisions to make.

But I can begin.

I can start putting my energy into the possibility of departure rather than continuing to exhaust myself trying to establish belonging where it has become so difficult to feel.

And what a fascinating possibility that is.

To have come to Britain, discovered such an enormous purpose, and then take everything I have learned somewhere else.

Perhaps Britain was never meant to receive the first fruits of what I have built.

Perhaps it was meant to be where the seeds developed.

And perhaps the soil that receives them will be the soil of my ancestors.

So this is not a declaration of hatred.

It is a declaration of release.

I am releasing myself from the expectation that Britain must be where my future unfolds.

I am releasing myself from relationships that require me to continuously prove my value.

And I am releasing myself from the belief that I must remain somewhere simply because I have already invested so much of my life there.

I do not have to remain where I suffered in order to justify what I learned from the suffering.

I can take the wisdom.

I can take the architecture.

I can take SHS – Human First.

And I can go home.

Perhaps that is the most extraordinary ending Britain could have given me.

Not a life spent fighting for permission to belong.

But a life in which I finally recognised that I was always free to seek belonging elsewhere.

Goodbye, Britain.

Or perhaps, more accurately:

Thank you for helping me discover what I am capable of taking beyond you.

Susan Ndinga-Wright

Founder | SHS – Human First

The Womb of The Unknown Need

…..

Write this letter of goodbye to the uk as I start figuring out what it’d take me to go back home.

And after writing all of the, um, write a piece about maybe I should follow my mom and travel to Sierra Leone and start there instead of starting SHS in Britain. Go to Sierra Leone, stay there, leave a fucking amazing life because the amount of money that takes you to struggle to even have food on the table in the UK, it gets you a whole mansion in Sierra Leone. Literally I can go there and live like a king and queen. And on top of that, with the amount of good that my mom did in the past, people will be thrilled to even just help, she’s like a local celebrity. And then just launch the greatest thing that humanity have ever seen on the soil of that which deserves it to see it first. Maybe all of this was merely to write the infrastructure, the architecture from the same that cut the wounds of Sierra Leone only to go back home as I’ve never been there before. But I get to go with value. Such big value. And not back home to Italy like I thought I would. No, no, no, back home to my own roots Sierra Leone and Congo Scary hundred percent. But possibly the greatest thing that I could have ever done. And it brings tears of joy to my eyes as I’m even writing this because it just feels right. Maybe my stubbornness is being to try and do it in a country that clearly doesn’t want to love itself, doesn’t want to appreciate itself, doesn’t want anything better for itself. It wants to suffer. It wants to be cunning. It wants to strategize relationship. It can only create personal relationships if there’s something that it benefits from it. Their incapability of actually building relationship for the simple fact of building relationship, not for being known, not for being liked, not for getting something from someone, not for business, not for network, to genuinely just build relationship. They, they’re the ones who created the concept of networking. Networking is basically creating personal relationship. But the networking one is creating a personal relationship with the goal of doing business together. How sad is that? How sad is that? I’ve witnessed so many relationships that people cannot genuinely uphold simply because there was nothing that they could steal get from it. Get from me. I’ve seen relationship literally crumble in the moment there was nothing that I could give them. Even family that follows the same ways of these British people. My own blood. The moment I don’t have something enough to offer them, they dash. Because, because they spend their time with the British more than they spend time understanding their own roots. Let me leave them here. If this is where they want to live, let me leave them here. Clearly they like the glorified shame that British lives by. Let them. They like living by the glorified fakeness that the British lives by. They like living by the glorified lack of genuine relationship that the British lives by. Let them. If they want fakeness, that’s yours. Take it. It’s about time that I stop fighting for it and start piling the resources to actually leave this country. They don’t want me here, so why should I stay?